I can't believe I've done it again--- and left my blog for a couple of years!
Yikes!
It's amazing that any of you are still around here! Thanks for that!
Winter 2017- a time of change, realizations and enjoyment.
I find myself alone in the world once again, with a desire to love and to be loved. Romantic love is a goal, however, so is sharing the love of the soul with all who dare to step out to do so. I give of myself to my friends, family and coworkers... I also give back to my community by volunteering at a treatment center for addictions. This is one of my favorite nights of the week-- I get to just be me and love on these guys who are fighting to gain back everything they lost. I inspire and get inspired, I see growth and depth... things that in my past career that were a part of my daily work life. I can make it through my work life, knowing that I am making a difference somewhere else.
I have not been this alone in the world for nearly 17 years. Just looking at the number, I have so many memories of roommates, past loves, and friends that flood my heart. It is during this time of solidarity living that I am able to give my soul, heart and head the time to get straightened out and back on track. I am studying, reading, meeting with mentor and praying. I am dedicating and scheduling time for just me. I am finding that as I spend more time with me, I like who I am becoming.
Music soothes the soul or fires it up, depending on what you are looking for- I am finding that I am spending more time with music that travels with me and less time in front of the television. Music can set the mood, change the mood or soothe the beast within. It fills the empty with atmosphere, a sense of home and quiet companionship. I find that my music tastes are developing into different areas that they have been before- opening up many new windows into the soul of the artist that is touching mine. I love my Bluetooth speaker that can connect to my smart phone... I can carry it around my very own apartment or even have it connected while I swim away my loneliness.
I have found myself in the pool of my complex more than I thought I would... and doing lengths and laps over playing around in the water. Water has always been a comfort to me, growing up around lakes, rivers and creeks it was just there. I remember going to Mexico during a Christmas break- not realizing how sick (depression, anxiety, burn out) I really was until I hit the beach (15 minutes after check in) and found myself sobbing and shaking with emotions. The ocean was used to healed my soul then, so why not a pool now? I step out of my comfort zone and just head down to the pool and spend my evening swimming, thinking, praying... and if I am lucky I will have a conversation with a member of my complex who is also swimming with me. The results? This chubby cuddle bunny is slowly becoming less chubby and more lioness like.
My confidence in who I am is bouncing back. I am finding that my social anxiety is lessening, as I choose not to see myself through someone else's eyes. I am stepping out for coffee dates, reconnecting with those friends that I love and cherish, and meeting new people. I would never find myself heading out to dinner with 11 other complete strangers a few months ago, however, I did just that. The results? People like who I am and what I stand for. I can handle myself in a conversation if not a few. I found a great new restaurant to share with the people already in my life. Where I thought before that I would never be welcomed or wanted, I see that I am welcomed with open arms and reassuring hugs.
My past relationship has taught me many things and I am grateful that it happened.
I am also grateful that it ended and that I am on this journey that only could happen now, at this time of life.
Did I really just say that I was grateful it ended? I did. I still don't believe I wrote it, however, it is a realization that came just as I write this out.
I am impatiently patiently awaiting the next chapter of my personal life... where will it take me? what will I learn? who will it be with? who will I become because of it?
I am letting go... letting God.
I am opening to possibilities that come along.
I am entering with a guarded heart, a patched heart, but one that longs to love back.
He who has started a great work within me... continues to do so. May He never stop!
Chrissy's Chatter
Thoughts, Opinons, Stories, Random Things that come to mind.....
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Have Mercy!
Have Mercy- as quoted by Uncle Jessie
Definition: a
compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to
one’s power; a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion;
compassionate treatment of those in distress
Synonyms: charity, clemency,
forbearance, lenience, leniency, lenity, mercifulness
Friday nights prior to joining a
youth group in my high school days consisted of good tv and junk food. One of the shows was Full House, a show about
a widower, his three daughters, their uncle and his buddy who all lived
together in one house. Uncle Jessie
always had a saying when he got a good kiss or something great happened for
him- Have Mercy. Elvis has been heard
saying the same thing in his movies and interviews. Believe it or not, that has stuck with me for
the past decades.
Mercy. It is a good personality trait for a
nurse. Imagine what a health care
professional would look like without the ability to show compassion, or to be
caring? How would that promote healing
and health management? Would you want to
stay in a place, like a hospital, when the staff treated you like a piece of
meat? I shudder at that thought. Putting mercy into the mix, allows for
compassion- a genuine sense of concern,
caring and relationship building.
These are the basis to healing- be it physical, emotional or spiritual. Mercy means that you look at at a person and
feel sympathy for them and you act based on that.
While preparing to write today, I
learned of three degrees of mercy: 1. Acts of mercy 2. Words of mercy and 3.
Prayer (to reach out where acts and words can’t). Acts of Mercy could be as little as a shoulder
squeeze to a hurting co-worker, buying a cup of coffee for a coffee lover who
is having a bad day, a smile to a grumpy fellow commuter, a back rub for a
loved one who is stressed. Words of
mercy can be as simple as “I forgive you,” “blessings upon you and yours;” and “I
care. I am here.” Prayer is an important
one- when you cannot act, cannot find the words- pray. Your Higher Power will take care of the needs
of those of whom you are praying for.
May you experience mercy today.
May you show mercy today.
“Teach me to feel another’s woe,
to hid the fault I see, that mercy I to others show, that mercy sow to me. “
Alexander Pope.
“I believe in the equality of
man, and I believe that religious duties consist in doing justice, loving
mercy, and and endeavoring to make our fellow-creatures happy.” Thomas Paine
“A bit of mercy makes
the world less cold and more just.” Pope Francis.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Chill, Dude... the art of being laidback
Being
Laidback Can Be a Good Thing for Some...
Definition: Relaxed
and easygoing
Synonyms: Free and
easy, casual, nonchalant, unexcitable, imperturbable, unruffled, cool,
even-tempered, non-confrontational, low maintenance, calm, unperturbed,
unflustered
Boy, oh boy is this topic ever one that I learned how
to become, and did so in a hurry!
I once was the complete opposite: excitable, lead by
emotions, and could unravel at a moment’s notice. I had to become the easygoing person that I
am, because not being so cost me friends, promotions, love, trust and much
more.
A good example of this would be about 7-8 years
ago. I was working at a remote location
of a homeless shelter. It was close to
the time that we woke everyone up and got really busy taking care of their
needs. I had been scrubbing and cleaning
all night, with disposable gloves on. I
had looked down and found that my engagement ring was not on my hand. I went into panic mode- as my co-worker and I
had taken the trash out and I had no clue where my ring was. I began to cry, begged my supervisor to let
me go home and see if it was there and just started to think all the negative
things that could have happened to my ring.
He was patient with me, set me up in a quiet room to gather myself and
allowed me to call home to ensure that I had actually had not worn it that
day. After a series of phone calls back
and forth from home, I learned that it was indeed safe and sound at home. This experience caused me a promotion and it
went into my yearly review as I was not able to be in control of myself. After working with a life coach, I learned
that I was to just breathe, carry on and let my day continue- then at home,
panic and react in a private location, out of the sight of many eyes.
I never realized how much I learned from this until I
started a new job. Little things didn’t
bother me as much as some of my colleagues and peers. A good example was
when we had a patient fall in the
hall. I didn’t go running out there and
make a scene- I was able to walk in a fast manner, use my visual and hearing
senses to see that patient was indeed ok, offer my assistance and back away
when asked to do so. When the patient
was able to, he came to me and thanked me for showing my care and concern, sharing
that it was nice to be cared for.
Being laidback in a health care setting is beneficial to
the health care provider and to the patient.
When we are relaxed in our work with our patients, we are able to
connect and gain trust. It opens the
floor for discussions that can lead to health promotion or a health counselling
session. How we are affects how the
patient feels; if we are relaxed, our patient who may be stressed, worried,
concerned, scared, overwhelmed will feel less so, or may be even able to relax. We can be confident and relaxed at the same
time: which gains a professional relationship with those we are to care
for.
Being laidback as a private citizen can assist in our
relaxation and enjoyment of life, in a “Don’t sweat the small stuff”, kind of
way. Ever find that if we are unflustered
about a decision we are to make, that the solution comes clearly and
swiftly? Being peaceful brings peace to
a household full of chaos. We can still
be busy and productive. However, if we
are calm about how we tackle and do things, this can lead to more enjoyment in
what we do.
There are times to worry, to be concerned and
excitable. Don’t let these times take
over the rest of your life.
Breathe. Let it be. Break it down and tackle small portions and
the larger problem will disappear. Talk
it out. Reflect. Rest on it. Pray. Slow down.
Don’t be a perfectionist. Refocus
on the positive things in your life, not what has to get done or the negative
thoughts that pop up. Be flexible. Get
creative. Let it go.
”Right now I am trying to be in a place of calm, a place where I can chill
out and then handle the chaos of life better. You don't just get it overnight;
you have to work at it. It's a daily struggle.” ~ Jackee Harry
Let Go and Let God.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Kind-heartedness~ bring love into the world
Kind-heartedness- Something to help the world go round in a more loving way
Definition: having or
showing sympathy or kindness
Synonyms: kind
Kind-heartedness
is a feeling you feel when you are helpful and sensitive to others.
Kind-heartedness
comes naturally to some individuals, while it is a learned trait for
others. I believe that this was innate
for me. I cannot ever remember a time
that I wasn’t kind-hearted.
This is who
I am and how I express that. I believe
that to be effective in the world as a world changer, you must be sympathetic
to the others to whom you share your world with.
Do you see
the same person during your commute, who smiles at you? Is there a co-worker that will check in with
you, just to see how you are? Are you
lucky enough to find an upbeat email that changes your day around? You must know someone who is kind-hearted!
This is not
always easy to be. There are times in
life where you must put aside this, and be the opposite in order to be
effective. I once had a job where I was
able to let my kind-heartedness flow; I was able to express myself fully with
my patients and clients. This is also
the same job where I had to enforce rules and regulations. At first, it was a hard thing to do, pull
away my kind-heartedness and play the rule enforcer, knowing that someone may
not be able to have shelter for the night, or be as comfortable as they could
be, if they had made different choices.
It was my sympathy that was able to ensure that they had food in their
tummies and at least a warm blanket to take with them. It was this kind-heartedness that was able to
welcome them back and shower them with love.
Being helpful and sensitive to others brings a reward of kindness, which
is a warm fuzzy feeling inside.
Someone
wise once said, “ Co-operation comes from friendship, friendship comes from
trust, and trust comes from kind-heartedness. “ (Dalai Lama) Kind-heartedness is the one of the basis of
friendship, of love, of a happy relationship.
Having a real genuine sense of concern for others, and acting on it only
makes the world go around more brightly.
Imagine if we all started to be genuinely concerned for our fellow
man? Would there be room for bullying,
cheating, exploitation?
How can one
be kind-hearted? Look for ways to make a
difference in someone’s day: A nice
smile, a cute card or even a shoulder to cry on. Just to love on someone in an intangible way
is the best way. Love without having to be right about anything. Be more
considerate- hold open the door, be polite to those who walk by. Listen, and meet the needs of your loved
ones. Treat others as you would want to
be treated. Help them in a tangible
way. Care for them in a way only you
can.
“A gentle
word, a kind look, a good natured smile can work wonders and accomplish
miracles.” ~ Zahid Abas
Monday, March 2, 2015
In All Things, Count It As JOY!
Count it all as Joy
Definition: a feeling of great happiness; a source or cause of great happiness; something or someone that gives joy to someone ; success in doing, finding, or getting something
Some say real joy is a good box of chocolate, or a tasty glass of wine. Other will say that joy is a look of happiness on a newborn child's face. Or is it that Joy is finally getting that long paper finished and handed in during those long years of education?
What is Joy to me? This is what I will be reflecting on today.
To me, joy is a state of being. It means to look for the good in all those troubling times and being thankful for that. It is something that can happen at any time, on any given day, during any task at hand.
In the Bible, it is shared that we were commanded to Count it ALL as Joy- James 1: 2. (http://biblehub.com/james/1-2.htm) This is not a natural reaction, it is a learned and practiced one. In James, James was telling us that we will be experiencing those taxing, hurtful, struggling times in our life. He was sharing that to get through those times with perservance was to count it all as joy. Look for the positive in those moments where you just wonder if there is anything positive that could ever happen again. When we are being tested, it gives us a chance to grow, to stretch, to become the person we were meant to become.
Need a real life example? Read on...
My best friend is currently looking for Joy in his present state of living. His middle child, a son of teenage years, has decided to move out and move in with his mentally ill mother. There is much back stabbing, lying, deceit, and trouble brewing for my buddy. This is affecting his mood, his time spend with his other children and even his loved ones. The situation looks dire. The relationship with this particular child is strained and is on the verge of collapse, at the child's choice. B has tried and tried to make things better with his son. He has asked for advice, reached out for assistance and has done much reflection on this. This is a great sorrow for him.
Where is the joy in this situation?
He has learned that he can handle much more stress that he thought he could. He was able to try and make his own, new stress managment
Joy in death? It can be so...
No one wants to die. No one likes to be left behind when a loved one passes on. There are those patients that I see that are enjoying their every moment of life prior to passing on, leaving lots of smiles, hugs, kisses, kind words behind for those living to hang on to.
Joy is to me....
To me, I experience great joy when my Buddy Cat comes to me when I am still in bed and crawls into my arms, wanting to be cuddled and held.
To me, I experience great joy being at the oceanside. Being in the ocean restores my soul and that reconnection to me, helps me see joy and heal of my hurts.
To me, I experience joy with the simple taste of mango, as there are memories attached to it.
To me, my joy comes to me when I have accompished a great task or something as simple as having a patient in my workplace tell me that I made a difference in their life for the few moments that I spent with them.
Joy is out there for us to experience. It comes to us if we look for it at times, when it doesn't seem possible. It can come from a smile, a telephone call, a memory, a taste, a thing, an experience or just a realization.
Look for joy in your life today... and share it!
Saturday, March 16, 2013
WOW! Update time!!
Howdy there!
I can't believe it has been so long since I last posted anything. I have been busy and new things and people are in my life... Not only is my job new, I feel like a new person.
To start, with my new job, I also cut my hair off. I went from lovely ponytails to spiky hair in one cut. It has been an adjustment! Side note: I am now growing out my hair as I just miss it too much.
I grew braver and I put myself out there. I started dating again. I went on a few dates that I thought were great... some that were okay and some that were "just get me out of here". I have met a few men that I enjoyed time that I spent with, and a couple have become friends. One has caught my attention long term, and I am now spending a lot of time with him and his adorable children.
Having children, age 17, 13 and 8 in your life is interesting. The 17 year old is now living in a different province, and he is missed. The 13 year old and I have have a few things in common and one is cooking. He wants to be an Italian Chef and enjoys Italian food outings with me. I always tease him that once he is done becoming a red seal chef, that he and I are going to run off to Italy together to eat food, drink great wine and grow fat! I think he sees the humor in it all. Little Missy is 8 and loves to swim. We go swimming at least 3 out of 4 weekends! She is a princess and sure knows how to act like one! :) Just when you think and resign yourself to not being a parent, life throws you a new plan. I enjoy spending time together as a 'family". We aren't quite there yet, however, we are making our way there.
You will all be interested in the guy. He's an amazing man. He gives his heart and all he has to his children. He has included me into his busy and hectic life, making time for us to be alone together as well as with his kids. He is 5 yrs older than me, is mature for his age, and yet can have fun. He is cute: taller than me (which isn't hard but I appreciate it), dirty blond hair, a goatee which I love, and is built. Like a brick house. His hugs send me to the moon and I experience pure joy at his kiss. I have never experienced such a balanced relationship in my life, a true give and take. A true love affair.
How's the new job? It's going great! I have had a lot of extra responsibility added to me over the past 5 or 6 months, which is fine with me. I am hosting my first learning opportunity for my co-workers, as the billing expert. I have grown so much in this area... learning tricks of the trade and all. I have made some very valuable connections that I appreciate every day. I love having clinic days, days when we (my cardiologist and I) see patients all day. I love being with my patients, using my skills and feeling useful. I am learning to love the reception duties, however, I just hate making the mistakes that cause everyone so much trouble.
Book reviews.... They are coming, as I am constantly reading. My new guy reads with me, and there is nothing like cuddling together while lost in our own books. He does read what I suggest, which is a nice turn.
Well, that's part of the new me in a nutshell. Time to run off and be a "step mom in training".
Life is what you make it.. get out there and just do it!
I can't believe it has been so long since I last posted anything. I have been busy and new things and people are in my life... Not only is my job new, I feel like a new person.
To start, with my new job, I also cut my hair off. I went from lovely ponytails to spiky hair in one cut. It has been an adjustment! Side note: I am now growing out my hair as I just miss it too much.
I grew braver and I put myself out there. I started dating again. I went on a few dates that I thought were great... some that were okay and some that were "just get me out of here". I have met a few men that I enjoyed time that I spent with, and a couple have become friends. One has caught my attention long term, and I am now spending a lot of time with him and his adorable children.
Having children, age 17, 13 and 8 in your life is interesting. The 17 year old is now living in a different province, and he is missed. The 13 year old and I have have a few things in common and one is cooking. He wants to be an Italian Chef and enjoys Italian food outings with me. I always tease him that once he is done becoming a red seal chef, that he and I are going to run off to Italy together to eat food, drink great wine and grow fat! I think he sees the humor in it all. Little Missy is 8 and loves to swim. We go swimming at least 3 out of 4 weekends! She is a princess and sure knows how to act like one! :) Just when you think and resign yourself to not being a parent, life throws you a new plan. I enjoy spending time together as a 'family". We aren't quite there yet, however, we are making our way there.
You will all be interested in the guy. He's an amazing man. He gives his heart and all he has to his children. He has included me into his busy and hectic life, making time for us to be alone together as well as with his kids. He is 5 yrs older than me, is mature for his age, and yet can have fun. He is cute: taller than me (which isn't hard but I appreciate it), dirty blond hair, a goatee which I love, and is built. Like a brick house. His hugs send me to the moon and I experience pure joy at his kiss. I have never experienced such a balanced relationship in my life, a true give and take. A true love affair.
How's the new job? It's going great! I have had a lot of extra responsibility added to me over the past 5 or 6 months, which is fine with me. I am hosting my first learning opportunity for my co-workers, as the billing expert. I have grown so much in this area... learning tricks of the trade and all. I have made some very valuable connections that I appreciate every day. I love having clinic days, days when we (my cardiologist and I) see patients all day. I love being with my patients, using my skills and feeling useful. I am learning to love the reception duties, however, I just hate making the mistakes that cause everyone so much trouble.
Book reviews.... They are coming, as I am constantly reading. My new guy reads with me, and there is nothing like cuddling together while lost in our own books. He does read what I suggest, which is a nice turn.
Well, that's part of the new me in a nutshell. Time to run off and be a "step mom in training".
Life is what you make it.. get out there and just do it!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
The End of an Era
It is the end of an era in my life. The longest job that I have ever had, is no more. I resigned from my job at the homeless shelter yesterday morning. Seven years of caring for clients and fellow staff members is coming to a close in a few short days.
I have accepted a new position at a new company. I will be working in my medical field, however, not in the mental health speciality like everyone (including me) would have thought. I will be working in cardiology, ECGs, along with billing clerk duties.
I am sad to be leaving behind the ones that will be. I have come to love my new team. I have always loved my clients. I nearly cried tonight as I had coffee for what may be the last time with the old team out at the offsite location. I was glad to be working out there, and sad to think that it may be the last time that I was ever in that building.
I am scared. I hope that I can live up to everyone's expectations! I hope that I can remember everything, after not using it for 5, almost 6 months. What if leaving is the right thing to do afterall?
I am excited. From the staff members that I have met who I will be working with, everyone is so welcoming/friendl/great. I am excited to learn new things. I am excited to meet new people. I am excited to go shopping for business wear clothing!
I know that this job was given to me by my higher power. This is what He had planned for me from the begining. This is why He wanted me to be patient- the perfect job was out there!
Mixed emotions is what I am feeling, is what I expect to feel. I am alive because I feel.
Hang in there, things do get better!
For all who are awaiting book reviews, they are coming! I have been working, reading for book clubs, been ill and am in the middle of a big change.
I am reading, always reading.
I have accepted a new position at a new company. I will be working in my medical field, however, not in the mental health speciality like everyone (including me) would have thought. I will be working in cardiology, ECGs, along with billing clerk duties.
I am sad to be leaving behind the ones that will be. I have come to love my new team. I have always loved my clients. I nearly cried tonight as I had coffee for what may be the last time with the old team out at the offsite location. I was glad to be working out there, and sad to think that it may be the last time that I was ever in that building.
I am scared. I hope that I can live up to everyone's expectations! I hope that I can remember everything, after not using it for 5, almost 6 months. What if leaving is the right thing to do afterall?
I am excited. From the staff members that I have met who I will be working with, everyone is so welcoming/friendl/great. I am excited to learn new things. I am excited to meet new people. I am excited to go shopping for business wear clothing!
I know that this job was given to me by my higher power. This is what He had planned for me from the begining. This is why He wanted me to be patient- the perfect job was out there!
Mixed emotions is what I am feeling, is what I expect to feel. I am alive because I feel.
Hang in there, things do get better!
For all who are awaiting book reviews, they are coming! I have been working, reading for book clubs, been ill and am in the middle of a big change.
I am reading, always reading.
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