She's Nifty- She's Turning Fifty!

In just a few short days, the fabulous forties are coming to an end for me.

Time to reflect- I have loved, I have lost. I have grown, and I have matured, all while having fun at the same time. I have achieved a few things and are still working on others.

My forties started off rough- drama that I never asked to be a part of.  My forties are ending in peace and quiet. The middle, the good stuffing, was filled with many laughs, good times and great people. 

I found my tribe. I found my people half way through, through a really awesome concept of an "adult Girl Guides" of sort.  At Camp Hoo Ha, it does not matter what you do after our get togethers or who you are/ are not outside of the space.  We are all campers. We wear our comfy t-shirts, sweatshirts and joggers as we enjoy a great meal, fabulous wine, fun craft, a lesson or experience: as we earn our badges. From self-defence, glam camp, high tea, sailing on the Glenmore, reading good books, learning how to survive the Christmas dramas to winter camp and Jamboree in the spring. I have met and come to love different women, whom I would not have met otherwise, and call those dear friends. Friends that just love you and accept you- build you up when you need it and remind you how awesome you are- from different walks in life, backgrounds and life experience. Forever grateful for this experience, as we come to grips of the wind down and closing of this group. Just because this group is closing and will not be having any more "camps" or get togethers- I know my friends will be there when I need them, and afterwards too. 

Friendships in mid life are hard.  They are work. Everyone is busy with work, family, volunteering, and keeping up with the changes that are handed to us. It's the text from my very busy oil and gas girlfriend of - "hey, you up for a walk?" to making sure that my Nurse Practioner girlfriend and I laugh as much as possible to just deal with the stress. It's the last minute invite to a play when tickets are given free and knowing just who to invite. It's sharing meals while volunteering together and just talking.  It's being there to listen and just give hugs when words fail.  It's accepting that I am kooky and weird- but my posse knows that and loves me anyways.  Late night phone calls and early morning text messages to show love and concern. Priorities shift, people leave your life. Thank them for the time together and move ahead.  There are the short timer friends, the good times only friends, the long haul friends and all the in-between.  Grateful to learn about this and share life with many different faces.

Finding lasting romantic love may come or may never come for some.  It never hurts to be open. I took a chance, put myself out there and found the one that I will love forever.  I know that he is a gift from God, my lovesong from my higher power.  This man has lifted me higher, encouraged me in my lowest, loved me when I was hard to love and continues to help me grow.  Sure, I pull him along to some things- but others, he jumps into it all in.  Going out to volunteer at a children's summer camp in a work day to get the camp ready for the season- painting, cleaning, organizing to him now being one of the main cooks for a week.  He supports me out there too- not just by creating this beautiful food for the campers and staff, but filling my cup with hugs and his words of encouragement.  This filling of my cup then allows me to be able to continue on as the camp medic- being on call 24 hrs x 7 days can make this gal tired physically and emotionally. He is the same in every day life as well- making sure I can give all to my patients, physician boss and all involved. He is a great listener, offers advice when requested or gives the best back rubs after a hard day.  He gets me- understands, loves, supports and encourages.  He is the first to celebrate a victory, and the first in line to pick me up after a loss/disappointment.  He shares my non-work stress load. He helps to fight for me when I go dark and black. He is my hiking partner who will wait while I wheeze up the hill, and is my camping buddy.  His support lifts me higher, makes me feel lighter and all while he creates a home space for Buddy the Cat and I. I cannot imagine my life going forward without him. 

I now have had the same job for just about 12 and a half years, not always at the same office location, always with the same physician.  Going through a season of the unknown with her has brought us closer and open realizations for both of us. I have come to enjoy her as a friend and as a boss.  Starting a new clinic can be scary, and I hope my support of her only spurs her on the greatness that I see in her.  She is an amazing cardiologist- highly trained, compassionate, intelligent- this woman is so smart and competent, I am in awe- and cares. I love my patients, as I now have been serving some of these lovelies for 12.5 years, learning about their lives and families have been a privilege. I only hope they feel how special they are when they come in for their visits. 

 In my next decade I want to make it count.  I want to look back and say, what a ride!  I want to give back and make a difference in the world.  I want to empower women to feel their 100% true self.  I want to heal the hurting, lift them up.  I see myself rising like a phoenix- with women rising around me.  I want to laugh more that I cry. Travel more. Spend quality time with my partner in life, creating more memories, experiencing more joy and supporting each other as we age gracefully together.  Enjoy the spoils of life- good food (wine, cocktails, spirits and tasty coffee and tea drinks), good friends, good music and good times. 

Looking out through the window into a dreary, rainy day- reminds me that clouds will come and that just makes the sun shine brighter.  May my fifties be the sunshine- bright, energizing, uplifting.

Fabulous Forties turn into Nifty at Fifty! 

Have Mercy!

 Have Mercy- as quoted by Uncle Jessie

Definition:  a compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one’s power; a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion; compassionate treatment of those in distress

Synonyms: charity, clemency, forbearance, lenience, leniency, lenity, mercifulness                    

Friday nights prior to joining a youth group in my high school days consisted of good tv and junk food.  One of the shows was Full House, a show about a widower, his three daughters, their uncle and his buddy who all lived together in one house.  Uncle Jessie always had a saying when he got a good kiss or something great happened for him- Have Mercy.  Elvis has been heard saying the same thing in his movies and interviews.  Believe it or not, that has stuck with me for the past decades. 

Mercy.  It is a good personality trait for a nurse.  Imagine what a health care professional would look like without the ability to show compassion, or to be caring?  How would that promote healing and health management?  Would you want to stay in a place, like a hospital, when the staff treated you like a piece of meat?  I shudder at that thought.  Putting mercy into the mix, allows for compassion- a genuine sense of concern,  caring and relationship building.  These are the basis to healing- be it physical, emotional or spiritual.  Mercy means that you look at at a person and feel sympathy for them and you act based on that.   

While preparing to write today, I learned of three degrees of mercy: 1. Acts of mercy 2. Words of mercy and 3. Prayer (to reach out where acts and words can’t).  Acts of Mercy could be as little as a shoulder squeeze to a hurting co-worker, buying a cup of coffee for a coffee lover who is having a bad day, a smile to a grumpy fellow commuter, a back rub for a loved one who is stressed.  Words of mercy can be as simple as “I forgive you,” “blessings upon you and yours;” and “I care. I am here.”  Prayer is an important one- when you cannot act, cannot find the words- pray.  Your Higher Power will take care of the needs of those of whom you are praying for. 

 

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=video-+sweetness+of+mercy+gary+chapman&FORM=VIRE1#view=detail&mid=ABFDA8D0271D5B00A91BABFDA8D0271D5B00A91B

 

May you experience mercy today.  May you show mercy today.

“Teach me to feel another’s woe, to hid the fault I see, that mercy I to others show, that mercy sow to me. “ Alexander Pope.

“I believe in the equality of man, and I believe that religious duties consist in doing justice, loving mercy, and and endeavoring to make our fellow-creatures happy.” Thomas Paine

“A bit of mercy makes the world less cold and more just.” Pope Francis.

Chill, Dude... the art of being laidback

Being Laidback Can Be a Good Thing for Some...

 

Definition: Relaxed and easygoing

Synonyms: Free and easy, casual, nonchalant, unexcitable, imperturbable, unruffled, cool, even-tempered, non-confrontational, low maintenance, calm, unperturbed, unflustered

Boy, oh boy is this topic ever one that I learned how to become, and did so in a hurry!

I once was the complete opposite: excitable, lead by emotions, and could unravel at a moment’s notice.  I had to become the easygoing person that I am, because not being so cost me friends, promotions, love, trust and much more.

A good example of this would be about 7-8 years ago.  I was working at a remote location of a homeless shelter.  It was close to the time that we woke everyone up and got really busy taking care of their needs.  I had been scrubbing and cleaning all night, with disposable gloves on.  I had looked down and found that my engagement ring was not on my hand.  I went into panic mode- as my co-worker and I had taken the trash out and I had no clue where my ring was.  I began to cry, begged my supervisor to let me go home and see if it was there and just started to think all the negative things that could have happened to my ring.  He was patient with me, set me up in a quiet room to gather myself and allowed me to call home to ensure that I had actually had not worn it that day.  After a series of phone calls back and forth from home, I learned that it was  indeed safe and sound at home.  This experience caused me a promotion and it went into my yearly review as I was not able to be in control of myself.  After working with a life coach, I learned that I was to just breathe, carry on and let my day continue- then at home, panic and react in a private location, out of the sight of many eyes.

I never realized how much I learned from this until I started a new job.  Little things didn’t bother me as much as some of my colleagues and peers. A good example was when  we had a patient fall in the hall.  I didn’t go running out there and make a scene- I was able to walk in a fast manner, use my visual and hearing senses to see that patient was indeed ok, offer my assistance and back away when asked to do so.  When the patient was able to, he came to me and thanked me for showing my care and concern, sharing that it was nice to be cared for. 

Being laidback in a health care setting is beneficial to the health care provider and to the patient.  When we are relaxed in our work with our patients, we are able to connect and gain trust.  It opens the floor for discussions that can lead to health promotion or a health counselling session.  How we are affects how the patient feels; if we are relaxed, our patient who may be stressed, worried, concerned, scared, overwhelmed will feel less so, or may be even able to relax.  We can be confident and relaxed at the same time: which gains a professional relationship with those we are to care for.   

Being laidback as a private citizen can assist in our relaxation and enjoyment of life, in a “Don’t sweat the small stuff”, kind of way.  Ever find that if we are unflustered about a decision we are to make, that the solution comes clearly and swiftly?  Being peaceful brings peace to a household full of chaos.  We can still be busy and productive.  However, if we are calm about how we tackle and do things, this can lead to more enjoyment in what we do. 

There are times to worry, to be concerned and excitable.  Don’t let these times take over the rest of your life.  Breathe.  Let it be.  Break it down and tackle small portions and the larger problem will disappear.  Talk it out.  Reflect.  Rest on it. Pray.  Slow down.  Don’t be a perfectionist.  Refocus on the positive things in your life, not what has to get done or the negative thoughts that pop up. Be flexible.  Get creative. Let it go.

 

”Right now I am trying to be in a place of calm, a place where I can chill out and then handle the chaos of life better. You don't just get it overnight; you have to work at it. It's a daily struggle.” ~ Jackee Harry

 

Let Go and Let God.

In All Things, Count It As JOY!

Count it all as Joy

Definition:  a feeling of great happiness;  a source or cause of great happiness; something or someone that gives joy to someone ; success in doing, finding, or getting something

 

Synonyms: beatitude, blessesness, bliss, blissfulness, felicity, gladness, happiness, warm fuzzies

 

Some say real joy is a good box of chocolate, or a tasty glass of wine.  Other will say that joy is a look of happiness on a newborn child's face.   Or is it that Joy is finally getting that long paper finished and handed in during those long years of education?

What is Joy to me?  This is what I will be reflecting on today.

To me, joy is a state of being.  It means to look for the good in all those troubling times and being thankful for that. It is something that can happen at any time, on any given day, during any task at hand.

In the Bible, it is shared that we were commanded to Count it ALL as Joy- James 1: 2.   (http://biblehub.com/james/1-2.htm) This is not a natural reaction, it is a learned and practiced one.  In James, James was telling us that we will be experiencing those taxing, hurtful, struggling times in our life.  He was sharing that to get through those times with perservance was to count it all as joy.  Look for the positive in those moments where you just wonder if there is anything positive that could ever happen again.  When we are being tested, it gives us a chance to grow, to stretch, to become the person we were meant to become. 

Need a real life example? Read on...
My best friend is currently looking for Joy in his present state of living.  His middle child, a son of teenage years, has decided to move out and move in with his mentally ill mother.  There is much back stabbing, lying, deceit, and trouble brewing for my buddy.  This is affecting his mood, his time spend with his other children and even his loved ones.  The situation looks dire.  The relationship with this particular child is strained and is on the verge of collapse, at the child's choice.  B has tried and tried to make things better with his son.  He has asked for advice, reached out for assistance and has done much reflection on this.  This is a great sorrow for him. 

Where is the joy in this situation?

He has learned that he can handle much more stress that he thought he could.  He was able to try and make his own, new stress managment

Joy in death? It can be so...

No one wants to die.  No one likes to be left behind when a loved one passes on.  There are those patients that I see that are enjoying their every moment of life prior to passing on, leaving lots of smiles, hugs, kisses, kind words behind for those living to hang on to. 

Joy is to me....
To me, I experience great joy when my Buddy Cat comes to me when I am still in bed and crawls into my arms, wanting to be cuddled and held. 
To me, I experience great joy being at the oceanside.  Being in the ocean restores my soul and that reconnection to me, helps me see joy and heal of my hurts.
To me, I experience joy with the simple taste of mango, as there are memories attached to it.
To me, my joy comes to me when I have accompished a great task or something as simple as having a patient in my workplace tell me that I made a difference in their life for the few moments that I spent with them.

Joy is out there for us to experience.  It comes to us if we look for it at times, when it doesn't seem possible.   It can come from a smile, a telephone call, a memory, a taste, a thing, an experience or just a realization.

Look for joy in your life today... and share it!

And I did it my way…Being Independent

Definition: Free from outside control; not depending on another's authority

Synonyms: free - substantive - self-contained – self-sufficient

I am an independent woman.  It’s how I was raised.  My mother was independent yet interdependent in her relationship with my father.  She was the one that had to make all the decisions as Dad was on the road, working.  She was able to become more independent once she returned to work from being a stay at home Mom.  She is my example of a independent woman.

I have seen women who had dreams, inspirations and desires that all seem to disappear when a man came into the picture.  I chose not to be one of those women.  I believe in the equality of women, that we are equals with our male counterparts.  I believe that I can pull my share, and that my spouse can as well. J is amazing at this- he will let me take him out for a meal or a date without feeling bad about it.  I like it when he does it for me, so why not?  I work; I pay my share of the bills.  If I had to ask to buy clothes, a book or even groceries, that would drive me nuts.  If I had to seek permission to even go for a quick bite with a friend on a spur of a moment- I’d go insane for sure.  This does work for some women, and I applaud them for it. This doesn’t mean that if something that I plan to do will hurt J that I would do it anyways- that’s just respect.

Have I always been this way? No… I only found my worth as being someone’s girlfriend, someone’s buddy.  It took lots of heartbreak (some that took years to get over), hard work and necessity to become who I have become.  I wasn’t going to return home to my parents unless I absolutely had to, I was going to make it in the Wild, Wild West.  There was a time that I was fired from my job and to borrow money, however, I was able to keep my apartment and made the next month’s rent without a hitch.  It’s okay for an independent woman to ask for help.  It’s not okay for an independent woman to continually ask for help, that is what makes her dependent.

We are all interdependent. We rely on each other for survival, for emotional support, and for our interconnectedness.  This is different than being dependent- it is how we are connected with the universe.

How can I become more independent?  First, start with who you are.  Learn to love that person. You can be able to defend yourself to critics when they pop up, if you know who you are. You will also be able to be there for friends who need to be given support.  Become financially independent; get working, get your own bank account, save money and pay your own bills.  Get rid of the negativity in your life: the people, the ways, and the thoughts.  Insert positive people, thoughts, and ways of living.  Start getting out on your own- doing your own activities, join clubs, go to meetups without your spouse.  Meet your own friends. Make mistakes and grow from them.  Think independent, act independent and eventually, you will make it on your own.

Remember Mary’s character in The Mary Tyler Moore Show?  I grew up knowing that I can live in my own apartment, work at my own job, and have my own friends.  Thank You Mary! (and for Grandpa who let me stay up to watch Nic At Nite with him!)

Be your own woman!