Definition: Free from outside control; not depending on another's authority
Synonyms: free - substantive - self-contained – self-sufficient
I am an independent woman. It’s how I was raised. My mother was independent yet interdependent in her relationship with my father. She was the one that had to make all the decisions as Dad was on the road, working. She was able to become more independent once she returned to work from being a stay at home Mom. She is my example of a independent woman.
I have seen women who had dreams, inspirations and desires that all seem to disappear when a man came into the picture. I chose not to be one of those women. I believe in the equality of women, that we are equals with our male counterparts. I believe that I can pull my share, and that my spouse can as well. J is amazing at this- he will let me take him out for a meal or a date without feeling bad about it. I like it when he does it for me, so why not? I work; I pay my share of the bills. If I had to ask to buy clothes, a book or even groceries, that would drive me nuts. If I had to seek permission to even go for a quick bite with a friend on a spur of a moment- I’d go insane for sure. This does work for some women, and I applaud them for it. This doesn’t mean that if something that I plan to do will hurt J that I would do it anyways- that’s just respect.
Have I always been this way? No… I only found my worth as being someone’s girlfriend, someone’s buddy. It took lots of heartbreak (some that took years to get over), hard work and necessity to become who I have become. I wasn’t going to return home to my parents unless I absolutely had to, I was going to make it in the Wild, Wild West. There was a time that I was fired from my job and to borrow money, however, I was able to keep my apartment and made the next month’s rent without a hitch. It’s okay for an independent woman to ask for help. It’s not okay for an independent woman to continually ask for help, that is what makes her dependent.
We are all interdependent. We rely on each other for survival, for emotional support, and for our interconnectedness. This is different than being dependent- it is how we are connected with the universe.
How can I become more independent? First, start with who you are. Learn to love that person. You can be able to defend yourself to critics when they pop up, if you know who you are. You will also be able to be there for friends who need to be given support. Become financially independent; get working, get your own bank account, save money and pay your own bills. Get rid of the negativity in your life: the people, the ways, and the thoughts. Insert positive people, thoughts, and ways of living. Start getting out on your own- doing your own activities, join clubs, go to meetups without your spouse. Meet your own friends. Make mistakes and grow from them. Think independent, act independent and eventually, you will make it on your own.
Remember Mary’s character in The Mary Tyler Moore Show? I grew up knowing that I can live in my own apartment, work at my own job, and have my own friends. Thank You Mary! (and for Grandpa who let me stay up to watch Nic At Nite with him!)
Be your own woman!